So I Says To Her

No, that's not where that goes.
Coffee isn't JUST a beverage.
Trains are great to ride.
My favorite animals are hippos.
Reynolds Wrap is kind of dirty.
Igloos are an ingenious form of home.
Nancy Kerrigan deserved to be punched.
Gasoline should not be drank ever.
Bagels should be free.
Trailer trash is just a state of mind.
Algebra is kinda kinky.

Tiff is crazy!

My name is Tiffany. I am 18 years old, i currently live with my family in Vista, which includes my nephew who is 14 mo. old who i love taking care of. I have experience caring for children since i was 12. I feel i can relate to children, in many ways by being able to see eye to eye in different circumstances. i am currently working at a Surf shop and i am seeking new employment. I have always loved caring for kids. What is fate? What is destiny? My personal belief is that children are in control of their own futures, but we are able, through brute strength and cunning wit, to force them into doing whatever we want. Nothing coerces a child to do what we want more than a well-placed open slap to the face. My kids learned that the hard way. Many caretakers prefer not to utilize punishment when the children they are responsible for commit a wrongdoing. Not only do I enforce punishment, I actively make use of a hierarchy of sorts. For example, the first time they are bad, I make them stand in a corner. This lulls the youth into a false sense of security; that this is the worst of the punishments, that I am somewhat a pushover. The second time they commit a wrong, I "pull out the big guns" as said in so many of our favorite Westerns, you know, the ones made in an era long forgotten by so many of our miscreant youth. I make use of a skilled roundhouse to the face. From there we graduate to the front left burner of the stove, then I hang them by the neck until they pass out. Next, I start prying off their fingernails and toenails. Finally, I ask them to pick one finger or toe they dislike, then I sever it. Now, I know what you're probably saying by now, "Wow! What a responsible, beautiful, and intelligent young lady!" and I know, I know, you hit the jackpot with me. But, the way I see it, if you really want me to work for you, I feel you need to know me a lot more personally. If you were to ask me to pick my top favorite movies they would be (in no particular order) 1)Fatal Attraction, 2)Basic Instinct, 3)The Omen, 4)Natural Born Killers, and 5)You've Got Mail. My favorite music is probably your child crying. My favorite subjects in school were Chemistry, Fire Sciences, and Child Development. And were I forced to choose, my favorite torture is putting the children in my specially designed underground airlock chamber. They like it. I guess I've dated before, but my boyfriends have been more like week-long flings, with guys who closely resemble the Fonsz. Pretty much any guy with a motorcycle or leather or metal studs. My favorite foods are anything fleshy or that once contained blood. The truth is, tomatoes are indeed fruit, despite the fact that many people think otherwise. Well, long story short, I feel that I would be a good hire, because I'm good with numbers, I have great multi-tasking skills, and I have a class B license. The only thing to make sure of, before I come is that you have no polka dot or plaid patterns in your house. When I see them, I break out into a Hulk-like, murderous rage. It happened once.....so much blood.
Love,
Tiffany

Confusion Abounds

I am really struggling with some stuff in my life. I have been struck down with grief, and I am having the hardest time rebounding from it. It's affecting my life in ways I never thought possible. I have no idea on how to proceed. Trusting God is becoming harder and harder.