today sucks and right now i am writing

from the stone that is cold....

today started off decent. i got my usual 5 hours of sleep then woke up. woot. off to tennis. we were actually on time today which was random. after tennis i took jon home to grab his boooook. alright no problems there. i get back to school. i decide to write my paper for my english class which is due on tuesday instead of actually going to world literature. well, i get about a page or two out of five written before i went to anthropology. imagine my dismay while shuffling through my backpack i come across the world lit syllabus and discover that a test was today: for the class i skipped earlier today. suck! well i tried to push it out of mind and participate and contribute to anthro. i get back to my car after class to go home and BAM! parking ticket. turns out my permit fell off my rearview mirror sometime in between me getting out of my car and me getting back in it. so i have pay 30 bucks for some dumb citation. and so i have that looming over my head as well as the exam thing. now i get home and me and my mom fight over laundry and other meaningless crap. then i came here, to work, where i have to help the endless mob of people that want ice cream on a day that is perfectly unsuitable for any type of frozen treat, much less ice cream. i hope it rains on them. anyways......pray that i have a better attitude. i just want to go to sleep.

yay for all my friends who make everything seem better than it actually is. it may actually be better rather than just seem better, but i'm still trying to generate sympathy.

pulled over.

so last night i was pulled over for speeding
it was the first automobile related run-in with the POlice i have had
no ticket though. he thought we were drinking, but then we said we were christians and hes like, "oh. slow down." then he left

praise God for not getting tickets! yay Jesus!

7-11 is pretty much my favoritest place ever-on top of that wednesdays in general rock my socks

ok since all the cool people are doing this i will too
to all my sevies pals-you are amongst my most favorite people in the whole world. i feel open and able to laugh at myself and have an awesome time around all of you. i realize i am 95f the time either screeching like a banshee or jumping over jessica's truck (or doing something else to it) or throwing crumb donuts at dana, colleen, or victoria, i really enjoy every minute of time i get to spend with you

heres to all yall

Donny: Dude, you are like my best friend now. From diving boards at Kevan's grad party to you almost roundhousing me in the face, we have been through a lot already. I can tell you anything. Thanks for being a great influence around me. We will be friends for pretty much ever. Pickles.

Tim: I was gay first, and that is why I won. Sir, you make me feel like dancing. I met you at the tables last year, and I thought to myself, "This guy is cool." And then you cut your hair and I pretty much hated you. Just kidding....but not really. You have been an awesome spiritual influence. Stay firmly planted. I believe in a thing called love.

Colleen: Two words. Tennis. And dodgeballthatonetimewhereiwasoutandthensomeonemadeacatchsoicouldgobackinandthenassoonasicamebackinigrabbedaballandgotyouout
You are awesome for the following reasons. 1)You carry a guitar in your trunk. 2)In same trunk it contains pillow and blanket. 3)You can kick my butt at tennis. 4)You can kick my butt in general. 5)Youre just awesome. I could describe you in many more, intelligent words, but this will have to do.

Victoria: Always able to make me smile. I constantly look forward to what seems like your hourly comments. I love every one. I also love how you're often quiet and then all of a sudden youll perk up with some witty retort or just something dumb like last night when you just up and threw your shoe across the parking lot. HA. Don't ever leave me. I will cry. When are you leaving; Nov?. Yeah. Im going to stop you.

Michelle: I have known Tim longer than you, but oh well, you still are awesome, and I am proud to know you. Plus, you can seriously beat the crap out of me. And I respect that in a woman (even though I am pretty much forced to).

Jessica: What to say? What to say? You're insane. And it is awsome. I am tempted to say I love your truck more than you, but that just isn't true. And yes, that was my leg. Every. Single. Time. Also, ease on the brakes when im in the back so I dont break my head.

Mark: I don't need to say much; I'll see you later, baby. I mean, oh, um...awkward...you....are...cool? Yes, you ARE COOL! And you have hilarious stories, and kids! Yay daddys!


you guys rule

Stephen

in n out fun!

about an hour ago....i got like the biggest frickin burger ever

24x24!!!!!!!!!!

thats 24 patties!


anyways couldnt eat all of it so.....me and kevin and micaela blew it up with firecrackers in the parking lot...meat all over the place....whee
the end

spirit west coast 2005

was a blast!there are so many memories just from this weekend
this was seriously one of the best weekends of my life! no doubt!
God is definitely real! If you dont know him, talk to me and i can tell you how it is possible to know him.

Favorite Memories
1. Earning almost ten bucks from playing my guitar right in the middle of the del mar plaza (that one little girl dumped her whole wallet change in my case)
2. Getting a free rock climb thing for advertising with the guitar
3. Totally annoying and or exhorting everybody with my guitar (a lot of guitar ones)
4. Starting the mosh pits during Haste the Day/Norma Jean when we werent supposed to
5. Starting the hardcore dancing pit and Norma Jean huddles (NORMA JEAN! NORMA JEAN!)
6. Getting molested (not really but almost) by a security guard
7. Looking at the towers (hahaha)
8. Making fun of all the scooter kids at the skate park
9. Meeting and chilling with Showbread
10. Getting Emery shut down for moshing (we love them that much!) (hey, at least we waited until their last song)
10.5. Throwing glow sticks at the C28 stage speaker and hitting him dead on
11. Fleeing for my life away from Mark who had mascara (makeup, when it is not on girls, scares me)
12. Singing scary ghost SONGS with Carlos, David, Levi, and the rest of the crew from Nevada (oh and who could forget the doowop)
13. Meeting those "eighteen" year old girls who ran the charm bracelet stand
14. The dude from Thorn Clothing (Barf Construction- Dont worry about anything, theyll just throw it up)
14.5. Having a total girl posse and making all the guys jealous (even if they wont admit it)
15. Seeing Showbread, Spoken, Haste The Day, Norma Jean, Emery, Project 86, Tree63, Ever Stays Red, and a bunch of other bands
16. Walking around the shower trailer naked cause no one else was in there
17. Getting my lighter confiscated (well, actually it sucked)
18. Not eating for 48, i mean, 52, i mean 72 hours!
19. UDDERS!
20. Getting closer to God and friends (this should really be the first one but hey, i saved the best for last)

there were a lot more but they would pretty much be repeats or almost repeats so i wont waste....typing space...any ways have a blessed week

confrontations at walmart! sam walton would be outraged!

about a week ago me and my friend david went to buy a bb gun to shoot rabbits with, we found this ok one for about 70 bucks so we got it, at the checkout, the cashier asked for id to validate that i was of age to purchase said gun, well, being a loser, and not having a license, i showed her my permit as it has my dob and a (faded) picture of me. consequently, she hesitantly sold me the rifle. about a week later, being today, we went to return my gun and obtain a new one, being thouroughly displeased with my previously owned rifle's performance. we found a decent one and proceeded to purchase it. in the same fashion, i proceeded to use my drivers permit as proof of eligible age and i even provided my palomar college identification as it has a much clearer picture of me (not necessarily better taken; i look much hotter in my permit picture). this time however, the cashier (not the same one) told me that she could not accept my permit as valid id. my friend and i quickly recanted our history at this very walmart a week earlier, to which she left to get her manager. the manager echoed her associate in that it was not valid. curious to know why, though the id clearly stated i was eighteen, i could not purchase this device, we pursued an investigation of this matter. my friend, who is also eighteen and posseses a license, could not even purchase the gun for me, because it was going to be for me, even though i am legally allowed to own and operate the firearm. we questioned a police officer concerning these occurrances, and he pointed out that this was a walmart policy, that they have to have a valid picture id to sell products such as the one we attempted to. of course he was able to explain in a far more pleasant and understandable way, which the associates at university drive wal mart were unable to. But we are still outraged that they would sell us a gun one week, then deny our money another. sam walton would be outraged! if he was there hed be like, "give those boys their guns, how can you deny a boy a gun?" I LOVE THE SECOND AMENDMENT!!!
in short we just went to another walmart and got the gun there, and i must say, the gun is pretty frickin sweet, and we killed a rabbit, and there was blood, ah!

F*** EMO

ok so last night some "metal" guys yelled eff emo really loud at some "emo" kids
i thought there was gonna be a brawl

the end

cops suck----

so i was at the bowling alley
cause i wanted to bowl con mis amigos
but it cost money JUST TO WALK IN THE DOOR
and plus they had hiphop/rap music playing which is gay so i was like screw this
so walking back to the car there is this awesome wall
which was formulated like especially for wall runs and jumps
so i did...but then bein stupid i was like hey i wonder whats on the other side of this here wall so i climbed it...not realizing till i was on the roof that this was as i said connected to the roof
so an officer of the law says to me "get down!"
so i immediately did, being a good law abiding citizen, or so i think
were getting ready to leave but the cop yells at me "i said get over here!" as i didnt hear him the first time he said get over here i apologized and stated this fact. he asked me what i was doing, and i flat out told him, climbing the wall (duh!) upon when he told me to put my hands behind my back and spread my legs, by this time i was utterly confused on why this police officer was getting ready to arrest me, until he made his opinion known that i was going to rob the place. wanting to avoid confrontation i merely denied this accusation (without pointing out the open back door with no one standing guard which would have made an even easier robbery), and told him my true buisness merely thinking that it was an unconnected wall, like a dumpster wall or something of that nature, but i guess he was too stressed or something to care about what i was really doing
"get outta here!!" he yelled at me
"go where?" i asked seeing as the car was clearly in the opposite direction he was indicating
"just go that way! i wanna see you walking down west vista way!"
i began walking in the way he was pointing towards, barely keeping myself from commenting that this was vista village drive and he had no idea what he was talking about. i felt that this wasnt going to go over well, with him seeing as he was already perturbed. so theres my lifestory tonight

a poem

as i call out to you in the darkness
i scream your name
but my cries echo in the abyss
and evaporate into nothingness
before they ever reach your ears
i stand before your face
although i am naught but a phantom
a specter, invisible to the senses
i reach for your hand
but it is like grasping air- immaterial
your scent tingles my nose
i remember your sweet fragrance
now it seems to mock me in my sorrow
as does every other aspect of your being
what has happened? what made you go?
was it something i said? something i did?
or is it simply fickle nature, not something
i am able to control, i will probably never know
i can do nothing but weep in this blackness
this coldness that eats at my very soul
loneliness is like a parasite, devouring my spirit
sorrow overtakes me like a bandit
leaving me for dead, a victim to love's cruel torture
emotions whirl like a hurricane, a destructive force
tearing away at my inmost being
did you feel this way at all?
no remorse when you released my hand?
no pain when you turned away?
do you have any realization of what you have done?
you have toyed with my heart like some sick game
treated it as nothing, shattering it within your hands
those soft hands that grate me to shreds
and i can do naught but weep - weep!
i am behaving like a girl and this-
this is what i sob over - a girl!
and you do not cry? how reversed this is
not even a tear is shed concerning me!
if i could make you feel an ounce
of the pain i experience- my agony
you would surely cave under the pressure
what keeps me from going insane?
to tell absolute truth i know not
perhaps hope; hope that we have a future together
it is what i desire and what i thought you did as well
am i wrong? please say it is not so...
loving you is torturous, what a pathetic man am i
just tell me what to do to make it right.
i will do anything you ask of me
do not trample upon my broken heart
it only desires to beat for you

i took the road less traveled by

I saw two paths divulged in wood
This will never work
You are different than I
We cannot walk hand in hand
I am called to much higher
Higher than you
Tears burn my cheeks
But I brush them aside
My heart is broken
But it still beats
Don't you see
You are the one
Who must change
For I am already changed
And that has made all the difference
Silence clamps my tongue
And so it must remain
I must walk away from you
And I am unable to tell you I love you
Lest I fall

angel relocated

by stephen byrne

Black,
Cold,
Death
Is all life is to me now
Since you were taken
I remember
Looking at your eyes
Closed, Covered with the
Frost of death
I remember
Kissing your pale lips
That never again
Could kiss me back
I remember
Clutching your hand
Limp and frail
Only wishing your fingers
Would clasp mine
One more time
Where there was light
There is nothing but shadow
The doves of peace
Have become ravens of carrion
As I stand here
Now I know
You will never cry again
Feel no more pain
Yet while your joy
Is now complete
Here my heart hurts
To the point of breaking
I can't contain my
Tears of sorrow
That pour forth from
My burning eyes
My God
My God
Take me away now
Carry me in your arms
I don't want this
World anymore
But yet I must remain
But one request I make
O Father, kiss her everyday
And say it is from me

bam!

Oh how it comes on again, these emotions like rushing water
But alas, rivers only flow one direction, so it is with my love.
These emotions weigh like a boulder inside my very being.
This is the stone on which my heart is shattered
Day by day I reassemble the shards only to break them once again.
When will I ever learn the lesson that makes me a fool?
When will I put on the mantle of ignorance and be free?
For without these feelings of infatuation and adoration, I am liberated
From the chains of un-returned love, yet I am a dull and pointless creature
Without them...
What point is there to life if I cannot love?

How I long for the one who will share her life with me...
How I eagerly await the day she will fall asleep in my arms as we lay together
Whispering "I love you" in my ear as she slowly closes her eyes succumbing to slumber while I stroke her hair.
How long will I have to wait until I awaken to her smiling face in the morning as she kisses my lips to rouse me?
How long until I hold her perfect hand in mine, memorizing the creases in her palm until I know their pattern as well as I know my own self?
Oh, God! How my heart breaks! Take my heart, Oh Jesus, and make it fully Yours! You are my first love, and I will not forget You. Hold me in Your arms to keep me from falling into the depths.